Already got asked if we're dating
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
