Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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