I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
