Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
