i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
