I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
