he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
