Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
