im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
