who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
