I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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