Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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