Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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