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bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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