Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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