He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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