Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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