New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
