I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
