By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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