There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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