lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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