DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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