Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
