So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
