i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
