I have demons in me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
