I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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