Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so explain again why im purple
no
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
