Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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