I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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