the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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