Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
