i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize