I'm drive I can fine osifer
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just pee around me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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