A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
