Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
from now on my penis is your penis
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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