You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
