I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
