I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
