I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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