i think my tv is drunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
