The maid of honor just puked.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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