drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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