Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
