He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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