just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
