i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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