I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
