I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize