It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
