my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
