My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
