Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
