We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
