Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
