I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
