why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
