You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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