Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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