It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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