is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
